Quick Tips From Your Qualified and Not-At-All Awkward Expert on Real-ationships and Attracting Human Females.
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A good way to be more attractive with women is to get a souped-up car.
It works because girls like dangerous guys but more importantly it lets you get away with saying cool things like:
“I’d like to handle those dangerous curves and I’m not talking about the road.”
After dating for a few months, the sex might not be as good as it use to be, long conversations become tedious, and you have probably considered bringing your Match.com profile back to life.
Relationships need to be passionate and have passionate places. You’ve probably worn out the little spot behind her knee and others spots aren’t clicking.
Another erogenous zone you should try out is her ear.
In the middle of the sex act, try swiftly jamming your penis into her ear. It is a sensual spot because through this she will be able to metaphorically hear and understand your urges as a man while you get some hot ear action.
A good way to break the ice with women is to take off your shoes and stand on your knees with them in your shoes and pretend that you are Olympian and Paralympian, Oscar Pistorius.
Girls will love it because they love the “Blade Runner” for his looks, gun-loving, and actions in sport that have motivated millions.
EDIT: Never mind
Turning your place into one where women want to go is the first step to becoming a player who beds lots of females.
One thing that not a lot of houses have is a pillow pit and all it takes to make a pillow pit is between 50 to 300 pillows. This small investment fills up a room better than most furniture.
If you ask a girl: “Do you want to come over and hangout in my pillow pit?” There’s no way they would say “no” because pillow pits are ridiculous and ridiculously awesome.
You can tie the whole thing together even more if you get a video projector and aim it at the ceiling for movies.
Don’t eat hot wings mid-pit though, the sauce is impossible to get out of thirty pillows.
Girls find intellectualism quite magnetic especially girls that use online dating. To better get their attention and interest utilize a thesaurus to appear more well-educated and thoughtful.
An example that would drive girls crazy would be:
“I was wondering if you would partake in an engagement of witty banter between two academics. I find your profile intriguing in its scholarliness and originality matching my very own. The result of encounter could feasibly result in copulation due to the carnal magnetism that originate from intellectual stimulation between equals.”
Prose gets the hoes.
Never trust people in Las Vegas to send “girls direct to you in under 20 minutes” because traffic there is usually pretty bad. Give it 30 or 45 minutes.
Girls in Portland love hipsters. If you’re on Tumblr, you’re pretty much there but here are a couple pointers:
Shower less frequently, shoot photos with Instagram, and be sure to tell girls you like whatever is cool before it was popular.
They will come away impress with your greasy hair, grainy photographs, and good taste.
“I listened to One Direction before they were mainstream.”
This works particularly well in the Winter or in Canada whenever.
If you see a really cute girl park her car somewhere, get a shovel and just pack snow tightly around her tires and get her stuck.
Next thing you know, you are her hero: “I’ve got a shovel. Let’s get you out this white mess and covered in mine.”
The easiest way to convince a girl to suck your penis is to tell her you eat a lot of pineapple.
Everybody knows that the weird looking fruit makes your stuff taste good.
Not that I know from experience.
If you are a minority, the best way to secure a date is to play the race card.
In the event you ask a girl out for dinner and coffee any negative response should incite: “Is it because I’m black/Latino/Asian?”
She’ll do her best to prove that she isn’t racist and go out with you. It usually is because of race but pity dates are the best dates.
This theme is Oedipa Maas by Paul Habeeb and pinkified by Love Genius Labs.
