Quick Tips From Your Qualified and Not-At-All Awkward Expert on Real-ationships and Attracting Human Females.
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Once you get a girl’s phone number, it is a numbers game of whether she picks up the phone or even calls you back.
A good way to guarantee that she calls you back is to steal her jacket.
That way, when you call her: “Hey, I don’t know how this happened but I have your jacket.”
She will need to talk to you again to get her jacket back.
One of the best things you can do to make yourself look attractive to women is to spray paint your hair silver.
It will make you look distinguished and mature.
All women love Anderson Cooper whom you could be mistaken for.
Soon, you’ll be catching women taking 360s.
There is always a reacher and settler in a relationship. Sometimes, it’s fair to call the reacher, a setter, like the dog.
A good way to get in her family’s good graces is to turn the event into a roast of their little girl.
Ask about all of her embarrassing moments, share her personal and sexual misgivings, and her poor choice in occupation.
By the end of the night, there will be laughs and tears shared and you and her family will be much closer together.
She’ll also want to rage-fuck because her family probably went too far.
A good way to show your date that she is attractive is to introduce her to other guys and see how much they would pay to sleep with her.
Remember to solicit offers over a $100 so she doesn’t feel too cheap but under $1000 to keep her ego in check.
I hear girls say Gordon Ramsay is hot, all the time.
Which is weird because he looks like a wrinkly old troll doll.
I came to the conclusion that it is because he swears all the time and women like men that swear at other people and sometimes them for no reason.
This is likely because all women look up to and seek the affection of their possibly alcoholic father with a terrible temper and lack of affection.
Now, the best way to do this is in a very public place like a restaurant like Gordon Ramsey because it shows people that you are the boss and not just some screaming lunatic.
Girls will think to themselves whether they are random streetwalkers or your date while you cuss out the waiter. “Wow, this is just like Kitchen Nightmares. He really is laying into the waiter. This makes me want to lay onto him.”
You might think pretending to be retarded will get you pity points with a girl to get them into bed but it doesn’t.
A good way to meet women is carry an SLR camera with you and the bigger the better.
If you see an attractive woman eating something, walk up and tell her:
“Wow, that looks really good. You mind if I take a picture? I’m a food blogger-slash-photographer and want to know what you think.”
The girl will immediately think you are artsy and know great places to eat in the city. And everybody knows the fastest way to a girl’s heart is her stomach (because the rib cage is rather boney.)
A fun way to get oral sex is to paint your penis with orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet stripes.
That way, whenever you see a girl with red lipstick, you can get her to follow the rainbow.
Women are attracted to genetic diversity. A good place to meet a relatively homogenous population of women is at a country music concert or festival.
Not being her brother is a big plus.
This theme is Oedipa Maas by Paul Habeeb and pinkified by Love Genius Labs.
